rites of passage

Ceremonies marking important events in the life of a Buddhist.

Naming A monk visits the home, chants the paritta (29 sutras of Pali scripture), sprinkles water over the baby, and blesses it. Wax from a candle is dripped into a bowl of water, symbolizing the joining of the four elements (solid, liquid, heat, and movement), in turn symbolizing the hope that the child will achieve a harmonious life and enlightenment.

Marriage The marriage ceremony is not necessarily a religious occasion, as in some Buddhist communities becoming a monk is thought of very highly. Buddhist marriage is regarded as an opportunity for the couple to support each other in following the Five Moral Precepts. One of the Buddha's sermons on right conduct encompassed the responsibilities of husband and wife, these being to treat each other and the extended family with respect, courtesy, and hospitality; to be faithful; to manage their household with care; and to discuss and share responsibilities. At the beginning of the ceremony, monks may visit the bride's house to recite the paritta for the couple, but may not stay for the whole ceremony. One Theravāda Buddhist custom is to join the participants with a cotton thread. In Mahāyāna Buddhist countries, water is used as a symbol of purity to sprinkle around the home, before a puja (act of worship) is performed by the couple.

Funeral As Buddhism spans so many countries and a diversity of traditions, there are a variety of funeral practices. In the Mahayana tradition, friends, relatives, and monks gather round a dying person to recite the paritta and gain merit towards a better rebirth for themselves and for the dying. After death the body is washed, placed in a coffin, and adorned with flowers, incense, and candles. A shrine may have a photograph of the deceased. Ceremonies are held to commemorate the death at seven days, three months, and annually; alms and gifts are given to the poor and the monks to help the deceased progress towards better rebirth and eventual nirvana. The deceased is thought to pass through three bardos, or realms, before being reborn.

Some Theravadan Buddhists believe that the body should not be disturbed for three days following death, while the deceased travels between death and rebirth through the realms of either gods, animals, hungry ghosts, humans, or hell. A vigil of prayer and meditation may be kept by the monks.

Several monks accompany the body to the cremation grounds, reciting scriptures on the way. In some traditions a band will play loudly to help people put aside sorrow and fear of spirits. The body will be cremated, and if the person was thought to have reached enlightenment, the ashes will be kept and buried in a stupa. Buddhists emphasize that nothing in the world is permanent and death is part of that fact. The appropriate Buddhist attitude to death is therefore one of calm acceptance.

rites of passage

In the Christian religion, rituals that accompany any of the most significant stages in an individual's life. Christian rites of passage include baptism, confirmation, marriage, ordination, and funeral rites. These rites of passage are also considered to be sacraments by Roman Catholics.

Marriage The established Christian church has always been against polygamy (marriage to more than one partner). Christians understand marriage as authorized by God, who intended men and women to live together. They believe it reflects the union between Jesus and the church (his bride) and as such should be supportive, faithful, and everlasting. Mark 10:7–9 says that in marriage the couple ‘will become one’, joined together by God in a union that no one should break. The love shared by husband and wife is believed to bring them closer to knowledge of what Christian love means, closer to God, and closer to an understanding of God's love for his creation. Marriage is seen as the proper environment for sexual intercourse and the birth and raising of children. Roman Catholics often regard the procreation of children as the main reason for a couple to marry; children of mixed marriages are expected to be raised as Catholics. Most churches expect couples wishing to marry to attend a series of meetings with the priest or minister for instruction. In the Church of England, banns are read out to announce the wedding on three consecutive Sundays before the ceremony can take place.

Marriage has to take place in front of witnesses and it must be at the free will of both people to be married. The couple vow to live together according to God's holy law, until parted by death. The giving and receiving of rings, which symbolize the eternal nature of the marriage, reinforces the vows. In some churches, a Eucharist or Mass will be celebrated. In the Orthodox Church, the priest places silver crowns over the heads of the bride and groom, before joining their hands and blessing them.

Once married, the couple should be sexually faithful; the seventh of the Ten Commandments demands that a person must not commit adultery. In Corinthians 7:3–4 and Ephesians 5:21–33, St Paul expresses the duties of marriage, saying the bodies of husband and wife belong to their partner as well as themselves. For the ceremony, most brides wear white, a symbol of purity.

Funeral Christians believe in an afterlife, and that belief in Jesus assures forgiveness of sins and assurance of heaven. Death is therefore not something to fear because it not the end. Some believers, before dying, want to make their confession to the priest or minister; others feel that this is a private matter between themselves and God. Roman Catholics, Orthodox, and some Anglicans receive ‘last rites’ (anointing of the sick) as a symbol of forgiveness of sins, healing of the mind, and strengthening of the spirit.

A Christian funeral service is usually held in a church, though it can also take place in a crematorium. The service may be simple with prayers, hymns, and an address that pays tribute to the life of the deceased, or it may include the Eucharist or a requiem Mass. Flowers symbolize the new life that the dead person is entering; candles may be lit to symbolize salvation. In the Orthodox Church, it is usual for the body to be laid in an open coffin, and a strip of cloth, with images of Jesus, Mary, and John the Baptist, may be placed across the deceased's forehead. Christians may be buried or cremated. Some Christians favour burial because they follow the Apostles' Creed, which states belief in the resurrection of the body. Other Christians point to the teaching of St Paul (1 Corinthians 15:42–44), which seems to suggest that there would be no more need for the physical body as a spiritual body will replace it. If a body is buried, a gravestone is usually erected at the site of the grave.

rites of passage

In Hinduism, the ceremonies, called samskaras, marking events in a Hindu's life. A Hindu may follow four stages of life, or ashrama: student, householder, hermit, and wandering holy man.

Marriage Marriage is arranged by the parents of those to be married, who look for the correct caste, and for educational and financial similarity. Horoscopes are drawn up and astrologers consulted as to the suitability of the match.

Traditionally, the bride wears red, the colour of prosperity and love, and she and the female guests have henna tattoos on their hands. The groom wears white to represent his purity and serenity, and has his face covered by a decorative veil; this recalls a time when the bride and groom may not meet until the wedding day. The couple sit beneath a decorated canopy. As part of the ceremony, the genealogy of each partner is read out, to ensure that they are free to marry. The father gives the bride away by placing her hand in that of the groom (the ‘taking the hand’ ceremony). Their hands may be covered with a cloth and tied with thread. The bride is symbolically joined to the groom by tying the end of her sari to his scarf. The couple sit in front of a sacred fire while the priest chants prayers, and rice is thrown into the fire, symbolizing the planting of the bride in the nourishing new soil of her husband's family. Rice is often used at weddings as a symbol of fertility.

As the couple walk three times round the fire, the groom will lead his bride and say the traditional marriage mantra. After this, the bride will place her foot on a large stone, while the priest tells her to be as firm and steadfast as a rock for her new husband and family. The couple will take seven steps around the sacred fire, each representing different hopes for their marriage. The priest instructs the couple to put their hands on their hearts, asks that their vows are made with an honest heart, and says that God will join them together. The groom lifts his veil, and the guests congratulate them, give them gifts of money, and shower them with petals. The couple will share a meal together, symbolizing their union from now on.

In the first year of marriage, the bride will make frequent visits to her parental home, but she will live permanently with her husband's family, and will be expected to remain loyal to them, and in particular to her mother-in-law, who may run the household.

Funeral If Hindus know that they are dying, many choose to spend their last days in a holy place such as Varanasi, because it is believed that this frees the person from sin. After death, and after the body has been washed, the son of the deceased says the sacred word, ‘Om’, to the deceased person. Men are wrapped in white and women in red. Only babies and holy men are buried, everyone else is cremated. The body is carried to the cremation ground on a stretcher, and fire to light the funeral pyre is brought from the deceased person's house. Traditionally, sons do this, and it represents the sending of the soul on its journey. The fire is kept alight with offerings of ghee (clarified butter).

Fire is an important element in several Hindu rites of passage. In this case, the deceased is making the final sacrifice of offering their body to the sacred fire, Agni. The feet of the body on the pyre will point south to the kingdom of Yama, the god of the dead, while the head will point north towards Kubera, the god of riches. Priests chant prayers, and a pot may be broken by the head of the body, symbolizing the freeing and release of the soul. Rice balls will be offered to feed the body in the afterlife. A properly conducted funeral is thought to prevent the soul of the deceased from becoming bound to remain on earth as a ghost (bhut). The funeral ashes are scattered in a river, preferably a holy river such as the Ganges. In the UK the ceremony takes place at a crematorium, and the ashes may be sent to India, cast into rivers in the UK, or buried. The mourners return home from the funeral without looking back (this might tie the deceased's soul to this world). There are 14 days of mourning, during which time the relatives remove the furniture from their house and sit on the floor. The deceased's widow wears white.

rites of passage

In Islam, the ceremonies commemorating events in a Muslim's life.

Birth There is no ceremony to initiate children into Islam, because a person is born into the faith. (The ceremony of Bismillah, at the age of four to five, marks the beginning of a child's learning about Islam.) The first thing a newborn baby should hear is the adhan (call to worship). The baby's father whispers the adhan in the infant's right ear, and the call to stand up for prayer (iquamah) in the left ear. When the child is seven days old, the aqiqah ceremony takes place. The baby's head is shaved to symbolize a complete cleansing, and the weight of the hair is given away in silver or gold as charity. A celebratory meal of sheep or goat is cooked (one animal is used if the infant is a girl, two for a boy). A third is given to the poor, a third to relatives, and the remainder is used to feed the family who are present.

Naming The child's name often refers to God, and one of the 99 names of Allah might be used, or a reference to Allah; for example, the name Abdullah means ‘servant of God’. Many parents follow the custom of asking the imam to choose the name.

Circumcision Between eight days and ten years of age, a boy may be circumcised (khitan). This practice is undertaken because the Sunna (traditional law) says that the prophets were circumcised.

Marriage Marriages are often arranged (or ‘assisted’), with consent. Mixed marriages are not forbidden, but children have to be brought up in the faith of the father, so women are restricted to Muslim partners. If a man marries someone who is not Christian or Jewish, the bride will be expected to convert to Islam. Men are allowed to take up to four wives, but are obliged to have permission from the first, and all wives must be treated equally. This is rare in many countries, as the civil law of the country must be adhered to. The custom is seen to protect the women in Islamic society, so that they will have the opportunity to be part of a family and child-rearing if they so wish. A sum of money called the dowry is paid to the bride by the groom's family. She will use some of this to prepare for the wedding and will keep the money even if the marriage ends in divorce. The wedding ceremony is a simple contractual event that may take place in a mosque, and can be conducted by two male witnesses; verses from the Koran are read. A celebration, or walima, that includes feasting and the giving of gifts, takes place at some time during the next three days. Adultery is regarded as abhorrent and strictly forbidden. Although Muslims disapprove of divorce, it is a simple process under Islamic law. Children past breastfeeding age will go to the custody of their father; this is viewed as helpful to the mother, so that she does not have to struggle as a single parent.

Funeral A Muslim approaching death will try to ensure that the recitation of the shahadah (testimony) will be the last words to pass his or her lips. After a person has died, it is important that the funeral is arranged as soon as possible. Members of the same sex will wash the body three or more times (always an odd number of times), beginning with those areas washed during wudu (ritual ablution). The body is perfumed and wrapped in three cloths for a man and five cloths for a woman. If the person has been on the hajj (pilgrimage to Mecca), the cloths that they wore will be used.

There should be no distinction between the burial of rich and poor. Cremation is strictly forbidden, as is the placing of monuments or headstones. It is preferable for there to be no coffin. The ceremony refers to Judgement Day (Rawmuddin), when the dead come back to life. The body is placed with the face and right side towards Mecca. The Muslim custom for mourning varies in different areas and sects. It may last from seven days to four months, during which time no celebrations are allowed. Muslims believe in life after death (akhirah), so extreme and lengthy grieving is seen as unnecessary. Graves are visited at the Eid ul-Fitr, the feast marking the end of Ramadan.

rites of passage

In Sikhism, ceremonies marking important events in a Sikh's life include Nam Karan (naming), Amrit Sanskar (initiation into the Khalsa, the Sikh community), Anand Karaj (wedding), and the rites surrounding a funeral.

Naming Nam Karan takes place in a gurdwara (Sikh temple) as soon as possible after birth. Hymns are recited, and amrit, sweetened water, is given to the mother and baby. The first letter of the child's name is chosen by taking a hymn (hukam) at random from the Guru Granth Sahib (holy book), and using the first letter of its first word. The name chosen for the baby must begin with this letter and is announced to the congregation. At the end of the ceremony, karah prashad (blessed food) is shared.

Marriage Marriage is agreed by the couple's parents based on the suitability of the match, but only with the couple's consent. Love is expected to develop with the marriage, not be a prerequisite. Betrothal ceremonies are held, firstly at the groom's family home, and then a few days later at the bride's; gifts are given and Ardas (communal prayers) are said.

The Anand Karaj (wedding) can be held anywhere in the presence of the Guru Granth Sahib, but usually takes place in a gurdwara. The bride will wear red, and the groom a pink turban. The Lavan (four marriage hymns) are said as the couple walk around the Guru Granth Sahib, linked by a pink scarf. Each circuit has a symbolic meaning: the first that God wishes marriage for everyone; the second the bride's first feelings of love for her groom; the third, the bride's departure from her old life; and the fourth, complete and perfect love for husband and wife. The ceremony ends with Ardas, a vak (random reading from the scriptures), and the sharing of karah prashad. The couple may be given money garlands. Traditionally, the bride will then move into her husband's home.

Funeral The corpse is washed and dressed by the nearest family; the Panj Kakas (five Ks) of the Khalsa (Sikh order) must not be removed. The body is usually cremated, accompanied by the singing of the ‘Sohila’ (a hymn emphasizing immortality and reunification with God) and the Antim Ardas. The ashes are scattered in the nearest river. If the body has to be buried, it is not a Sikh custom to have a memorial to the deceased. The mourners then return to the gurdwara, where there is an Akhand Path, a full non-stop reading of the Guru Granth Sahib, followed by a langar (communal meal). Close relatives will be in mourning and pray for the deceased for the following ten days. Sikhs believe in rebirth so mourners are not expected to mourn excessively, as the deceased will pass on to a new life.

rites of passage

In Judaism, the ceremonies that mark a Jew's passage through life, including brit milah (the covenant of male circumcision), naming, bar mitzvah (or bat mitzvah for girls), marriage, and funeral rites.

Naming Jewish boys are given a family name during brit milah (the covenant of male circumcision), as well as a Jewish name that will be used for religious purposes, such as their bar mitzvah and marriage, and the inscription on their gravestone. Girls are not circumcised, but may be taken to the synagogue on the Sabbath after their birth to be blessed and given their name. Both events are followed by a family celebration.

Marriage Jews consider it important to select a Jewish partner for marriage. Children of Jewish mothers are considered Jewish, but they will not be Jewish if their mother is a non-Jew.

Before the wedding, the bride-to-be will bathe in a mikveh, a pool of natural water, symbolizing the transition from impurity to purity. Both partners may fast before the ceremony to reflect upon the solemnity of their forthcoming contract. The wedding, which is conducted by a rabbi, may take place in a synagogue or at home, but always under a chupah, an open canopy on four poles, decorated with flowers. The couple stand beneath the chupah, symbolizing their unity as a new family, with openness to the presence of God. After being blessed, the couple drink from the same cup of wine, symbolizing the sharing of sweetness and joy. The ketubah (marriage contract) is read, by which the groom promises to provide financially for his future wife. When the ring is placed on the bride's finger, the groom says, ‘With this ring you are consecrated to me, by the Law of Moses and Israel.’ The rabbi then recites seven blessings, including thanks for the creation of the world, for joy and happiness for the couple, and for the future of the Jewish people. Finally, the bridegroom smashes a well-wrapped wine glass with his foot, as a reminder of the destruction of the Temple and loss even in the midst of joy. The couple retire to a private room for a while before joining the guests for celebration.

Funeral When approaching death a Jew will recite a prayer that ends with the first statement of the unity of God from the Shema. The body is never left unattended, and the funeral must take place within 24 hours, but not on the Sabbath or other high holy days. Men are wrapped in their tallit (prayer shawl), which has had one of the fringes cut to signify that they are no longer obliged to fulfil the commandments. The coffin must be the same plain design for all, symbolizing equality in death. Cremation is forbidden to Orthodox Jews (see Orthodox Judaism), as they believe that the body must be left to decompose, awaiting resurrection on the return of the Messiah.

The chief mourners – spouses, parents, or adult children – have their clothes symbolically torn before the funeral to symbolize their grief. A brief service is held before the internment, and everyone helps to put earth on the coffin until it is covered. No flowers are taken to the grave. At the prayer hall, everyone washes their hands to symbolize leaving the world of death and their return to life, which is an obligation. Adult children of the deceased lead the congregation in the Kaddish, a prayer of mourning that praises God. Family and friends take leave of the chief mourners by wishing them long life, confirming that life is a blessing from God and must continue.

Close family observe a seven-day mourning period at home, known as ‘sitting shiva’. Friends and relatives visit the bereaved, and bring them a hard-boiled egg for their first meal; the meaning of this custom varies, either symbolizing the continuation of life or an inability to express grief. The chief mourners must sit on hard, low chairs, must not cut their hair or shave, and must not look in mirrors, have sexual relations, or listen to music. The Kaddish is said each evening, and a candle kept burning. For 30 days after the funeral, the mourners will avoid celebrations and parties. These restrictions will continue for up to a year for someone who has lost a parent. A ceremony is held on the first anniversary of a death, when the tombstone is erected. On the annual anniversary of a death, a yahrzeit (anniversary) candle is lit in remembrance and Kaddish said in synagogue. Visitors to the grave will leave pebbles, which in biblical times were used to mark graves. Today they act as a visual indication that the grave has been visited by family and friends.